


11/06/25: abort

by excelsi_or



Series: to a boy i love right now [49]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Abortion, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25151917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excelsi_or/pseuds/excelsi_or
Summary: Jihoon is upset that she didn't tell him about the baby. AND the fact that she aborted it without telling him.
Relationships: Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: to a boy i love right now [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1252010
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	11/06/25: abort

_June 11, 2025_

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Hansol asks as he helps her into the apartment.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“But you said you haven’t told hyung about it,” Seungkwan says, putting her backpack down at the dining table. “You should have come to stay at ours.”

Hansol eases her down onto the couch and then goes to get her a heat pack. “It would seem even more suspicious if I disappeared for a week or so, don’t you think?”

Seungkwan grabs one of the throws as well as the TV remote. He tucks her in on the couch and grabs a tissue box. “Might as well pretend you’re ill.”

She rolls her eyes, but appreciates the effort that her two friends are going to in order to make the appointment today inconspicuous. When Hansol returns with a heat pack in hand, the two boys hover around her, waiting for her to get comfortable.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?” Seungkwan asks.

“We can at least stay until hyung gets home,” Hansol insists.

She stares up at them. “Stay until he gets home,” she concedes. “Just sit down though, so I can see the TV.”

* * *

Jihoon comes home late that night.

She insisted after dinner that Hansol and Seungkwan go home and rest. The two of them promised to visit on rotation until her next check up.

Jihoon squats down in front of her on the couch, resting his hand on her head and rubbing his thumb back and forth against her forehead. “What are you doing on the couch?” he murmurs.

Sleepily, she mumbles something about being unwell.

Jihoon is about to scoop her up to take her to bed, but she refuses. He furrows his brow.

“I don’t want you to get sick too,” she says, cracking an eye open. “I’m just gonna sleep out here until it passes.”

“But—”

“The TV is out here,” she insists. She kisses her fingers and touches his cheek. “Go sleep, Jihoonie.”

* * *

It comes up the next morning.

The discomfort in her abdomen made sleeping difficult and she spent most of the night falling in and out of sleep. With the sun streaming through their curtains, she returns to the couch after heating her hot pack.

“Jagi,” he calls. He’s eating at the dining table and watches her walk by.

“Hmm?” She resumes her sprawled out position on the couch. Luckily, there hadn’t been any spotting, but her stomach is cramping and she’s worried she might. She’d put a towel down, but is worried that Jihoon will see that.

“When were you going to tell me?”

She throws an arm over her eyes to block out the sunlight. “About?”

“The baby you didn’t want to have.”

She freezes. Her mind quickly runs through the ways he could possibly know that. She’d kept it all a secret since she’d found out three weeks ago. She cleared her search history in case he went on her phone to look something up and saw it there. She never took pamphlets home. The pregnancy test she took was at Seungkwan and Hansol’s place.

There should be no—

_Plap._

She looks over and sees Jihoon standing by the coffee table, coffee mug in hand, his eyes staring at whatever he’d thrown down. On the table is a damn pamphlet. She doesn’t strain to read it. She’d seen it and had refused it from the doctor: a white and yellow pamphlet about recovery.

Seungkwan.

“Fuck,” she mutters, leaning back into the pillow. She closes her eyes again. “You were never supposed to know.”

“That you were pregnant?” Jihoon demands. “I think that’s something I should’ve been informed about.”

“Why? It’s not as if we were going to keep it.”

Jihoon is quiet for a moment. So quiet that she opens her eyes again. Jihoon stares down at the pamphlet, which has the name of the abortion clinic on it.

“You can’t be serious,” she mutters. “We can’t have a baby.”

“Well, we never will because you made the decision for us,” Jihoon retorts.

Her eyes widen in surprise at how angry he seems. Her legs slide off the couch so that she can sit up and talk to him. She winces at a pang in her abdomen. “You can’t seriously be mad because I didn’t have a baby that neither of us would’ve been ready for.”

Jihoon lifts his eyes and his gaze is so sharp that a shiver goes down her spine. “I’m going to work.” He starts to leave. “Do you need anything when I get home?”

“No, Seungkwan and Hansol said they’d come over later and check in.” Her voice is bewildered. This sudden change in Jihoon’s demeanour is unsettling.

Jihoon grabs his cap off the table. “Ah, I see. I guess I wasn’t important enough to be told the news.”

“Jihoon—”

“I’ll see you later.”

And with that, he’s gone.

* * *

When Seungkwan arrives, she chews him out for taking the pamphlet and then not being careful enough to get rid of it.

“Now he’s mad at me!”

“Mad? Why is he mad?” Seungkwan asks after apologizing profusely. He stands at their stove, so he can heat up the soup he’d made for her. “It’s not like he would’ve wanted a baby. And you didn’t want to have one. End of story.”

She stares at the pamphlet, which she’s brought to their kitchen bar. She’s read through it and has actually found it helpful. “ _Apparently_ , he wanted to have a discussion about what to do.”

“Why? If you were just going to end up at the clinic anyway?”

She shakes her head. “He probably wanted to be part of the decision. He was pretty hurt about it.” Her phone dings and she checks it.

**Jihoon (16:34)**

Hey, I’m going to spend the night at Wonwoo and Gyu’s.

Text me if you need anything.

Love you.

“Can you stay the night?” she asks out loud as she texts an ‘okay, love you’ back to Jihoon.

“Stay the night?”

“Jihoon’s not coming home,” she informs as she puts her phone down.

Seungkwan glances at the clock on the microwave. “How does he know already? It’s only 4:30.”

“Apparently, he’s going to stay at Gyu’s tonight.”

Seungkwan looks over at her with a frown. “You weren’t kidding. He _is_ mad. Hyung spending a night with Gyu and Wonwoo hyung when he could be home with you?”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t realize he would get so upset.”

* * *

The next day, she wakes to her phone blown up with messages from the group chat. She doesn’t bother to read it all, instead just reading the last message from Soonyoung.

**Soonyoung (2:13)**

Let’s just have dinner at the lovebirds’ place.

We can talk about it then.

Seungkwan, who is reading the messages with his head on her shoulder, huffs. “We can’t seriously be making this into a debate.”

“Apparently, we can.” She chucks her phone away and adjusts herself.

* * *

The boys show up together at dinnertime. Seungkwan has cooked and food is laid out on the coffee table so she doesn’t have to get up from the couch. She doesn’t know why Seungkwan insists on it, since the doctor said she could return to work after two days. Once the boys all have plates of food in their laps, the real purpose for their visit begins.

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Soonyoung demands.

“I did. I told Hansol and Seungkwan.” She sips her water. “What would be the use in telling all of you?”

“I think it’s unfair that you didn’t tell Jihoon about it,” Seungcheol comments.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “It’s her body, her uterus. We, and Jihoon, don’t get a say in how she wants to live with it.”

“Thank you,” she mutters. “The fact that we even need to have this discussion at all so that Jihoon can feel justified in being angry is ridiculous.”

“If you’d read through the messages, you’d known that Gyu is actually the one defending my right to know,” Jihoon argues from across the table.

“The fact that the boys all need to be here for our business is also ridiculous,” she counters.

Hansol shakes his head. “Noona, hyung, stop. The deed’s already done.” He turns to her. “The doctor said not to stress out.”

Jihoon huffs. “I would’ve known that if I’d been able to go.”

“Oh my god, Jihoon, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry,” she huffs. “We’re not ready for a baby.”

“You feel comfortable with Hansol and Seungkwan worrying though?” Jihoon demands. “I’m not good enough at caring for you?”

“Okay, I think we need to calm down.” Wonwoo holds a hand up between them. “Ji, it was entirely her choice. You really get no say in what happens to the baby if she didn’t want to have it.”

“We are not _ready_ for a _baby_.” She puts her plate down and stands. “Look,” her eyes pass over all of them, who are now looking up at her with wide eyes, “I get that you all care about me and that you all care about Jihoon. But having this conversation is utterly pointless. I did it. I made the decision, because it was _my body_ and _my life_ on the line.”

She looks to Jihoon. “You can walk out any time if you realize you don’t want to have a baby with me. If I’d had it, it would have been stuck with me.” She steps over and around the boys to get to the bedroom. “So I’m sorry that you feel as if you all have an opinion on my abortion, but really, you don’t.” The bedroom door slams shut behind her.

Hansol keeps his head ducked as everyone argues around him. Not wanting another outburst from her, they keep their voices low.

“I want to hear what Hansol has to say,” Jihoon says over the chatter.

The boys all hush and eyes are on Hansol, something that he hates. He swallows hard and his eyes look around the room at everyone older than him. “It’s her body.” He clears his throat. “And her life that’s affected by the decisions she’s made by it.” His eyes settle on Jihoon. “And I know that you think she loves you less, because she didn’t want to have your baby, hyung.” Eyebrows rise at this comment. “But don’t you think she loves you so much that she didn’t want you to have to experience the pain she’s feeling?”

Stunned silence. The boys hadn’t registered that maybe she’d been feeling pained by it.

“We’re old enough for children,” Hansol continues. “A lot of noona’s other friends have families. And she told me…” He mutters an apology to her under his breath. “That she considered keeping the baby, but there was no way you guys were ready.”

He cuts off the coming offers of help. “And she said that yes, she has you guys, but if it all went to shit, there was no way she could raise a baby on her own.”

He cuts off the next barrage. “Noona thinks that way. About endings and afters, because nothing lasts forever. And if you guys _did_ break up again,” he leans forward to knock on the coffee table, “most of you would side with Jihoon hyung over her.

“And having Seungkwan, Jeonghan hyung and me wouldn’t have been enough to raise a baby that she wasn’t sure she wanted with a man that she definitely loved. We have our opinions, and some of you might not agree, but _hyung_ ,” Hansol’s eyes fall on Jihoon again, “when you break it all down, if she didn’t want it, it didn’t really concern you.” He picks up his food and eats just as quietly as he had been before Jihoon called him out.

Seungkwan, in the mean time, had gotten up and started knocking on the bedroom door. She never opened it. “Noona, we’re just gonna eat and then we’re going to head out, okay? If you don’t want Jihoon hyung here, he’ll stay with Wonwoo and Gyu hyung.”

The boys finish their meals quickly and get out of the apartment as fast as they can. Jihoon received no message about needing to leave, so he cleans the apartment and takes a seat on the couch. The pamphlet for recovery is once again in front of him. Still just as unbelievable as when he first saw it.

When the bedroom door opens, Jihoon looks over at her. She has the hot pack pressed to her stomach and tears in her eyes. Jihoon holds one arm out to her and she moves underneath his arm, head on his shoulder, silent tears streaming down her face.

“Does it hurt?”

She nods her head.

“Do you want anything?”

She shakes her head no.

Jihoon cuddles her into his side. “I’m sorry.”

She hums.

“Really sorry. It was selfish of me to be mad about something that happens to you.”

“Hansol was right,” she murmurs. Her face buries into the side of his neck. He can feel her breath on his collarbones, the dampness of her cheeks from her tears. “I don’t love you less because I didn’t want your baby.”

“I know.”

“And I really didn’t want you to feel like you’d lost something.”

Jihoon pauses. “Do you feel like that?”

She sniffles and her weight presses further into him. She’s so close he can feel her eyelashes against the side of his neck. “I feel like I gave up something I didn’t know I wanted,” she breathes. “But we really aren’t ready.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Jihoon,” she sits up, but doesn’t pull away, “we’ve never even _talked_ about having a family. It’s always just been me and you. And I’m not ready to give that up for a baby yet.”

“Who says anything about giving up our life?”

“Babies are sacrifices that you raise and love forever. Our lives will never be the same if we have one. And I _do_ want one with you,” she murmurs, “but not right now.”

Jihoon nods his head, but says nothing.

She doesn’t apologize about not telling him or about aborting the baby. “I’m sorry about that intervention and calling you out like that earlier. That really should have been a discussion we had one-on-one.”

Jihoon presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you. I’m confused and I’m mad, but I love you.” He gently guides her head back to his shoulder. “Sleep now. I’ll take you to the bedroom later. I’m going to stay up for a little while.”

She hums and adjusts herself so she’s comfortable.

* * *

When she wakes the next morning, she finds his notebook open on the coffee table with notes about emotional care after an abortion.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to leave this one of the series, but no one should be told what to do with their body. Even if the people discussing it mean well and love you. Your body, your choice. Thought it was important to talk about it.


End file.
